Dark Misery

Darkness has consumed my soul
devoured my heart, no longer whole
Darkness has consumed my mind
devoid of feelings for all time
Nothing in life seems real
I live today and do not feel
I can't always rhyme these words
they devour me from within through agony
I think and wonder why I still live
Yet know that in the end I'll die old
I'll be alone and on a deathbed
surrounded by hallucinations
friends that were once friends
and enemies that still wait to harm
loves that were never really there
and hates that rest in true despair
I can't help but wonder why I'm still around
when I know I will run myself into the ground
an unmarked grave and the county's mistake
I am not sure how much more I can take
I know I'll live and move forward somehow
but even as I do I know it will fail
will fall away and drop
and it will destroy all my hopes
my dreams will be forced to stop
So darkness can consume me
and devour my body whole
my heart and soul and mind and body
will be devoid of a living role.

Original By:
Christopher MacLeod

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You know, I write poetry, and it empties me from the inside. I can't always predict when the mood will strike me, but it is usually when something collides, or my mood randomly drops to ground zero. You know, like when a girl you like, whom knows you like her, starts talking about how much she likes another guy.

But hell, isn't that typical of my life anyways? Its so rare that things fall into place, that I kind of get used to the disappointment. Not everyone knows my inner workings, I can even count them off on one hand: Gerry - whom still has things he can't peg on me. Bobbi - Whom has been inside of my heart and felt the darkest workings of my mind...She knows more about me then any other I believe. Shannon - who was a part of my life and one I protected and held dear...She knew me, but like the Linkin Park song says, "you wouldn't even recognize me anymore, not that you knew me back then, but it all comes back to me in the end....." She knew me, yet showed her utter ignorance in the end of things. JT - A Brother and a Guardian to me. Yet someone who has slipped in and out of obscurity so often, I wonder how much of me he actually still knows.

I don't even know my inner workings, I am better at knowing the inner workings of others. I rather sit in dark obscurity myself, just drifting in and out of reality like some bad dream, then deal with what I don't want to face. Which is why I was so deep into games as a child, they took reality away and were much easier to deal with, why I did roleplay online when I aged...Yet my distractions are fewer, and I'm slowly sifting through reality, and wonder to myself why I ever bothered avoiding it. Its drab, and solid there is little change in it, it doesn't fluctuate.

Guess I'll just stick to my subtlety and tact when needed, my bluntness when desired, and in the case of this girl I've been interested in, do what I do best....drift into the darkness of my mind and let her slide off to happiness with someone else. Its not really something I'm in the mood to fight for right now.

Peace,

Zodiak, Out.