A Muse of Mystery

"I don't mind the Sun sometimes
The Images it Shows
I can taste you on my lips
and smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and sugary
and softly spoken lies
you never know just how you look
through other people's eyes."
-Avalanche

For some time now, I've been dead inside, a lack of life and love that has not baffled me as much as it has pissed me off.

I had determined some time ago, that in order for me to be able to type, write, and describe things of beauty, I would need a muse, someone or something to channel emotion into and through, something that I could use in order to alight my mind with life and love once more.

I never really expected to find it, and even if I did find it, I am skeptical as it is a great responsibility, even if there seems to be very little involved aside from simply "being" there.

I'm a naturally anti-social person, and those whom know me, know this. Those whom I call friend accept it and embrace me when I crawl out of my shell for the time that it is there. After all, no telling when I will curl into a corner again to hide from the world.

This past weekend, I truly expected to be in World of Warcraft working towards level 60 so Gerry wouldn't guilt me so much. However this was Kat's birthday weekend. I knew there would be -some- socializing involved. I knew the majority of people coming anyways so it wouldn't be that bad. I figured get home, make an appearance, hide away, sleep, play games, make an appearance next day, hide, more games, etc etc until monday.

I could not have been more wrong.

Friday went wonderfully according to plan. Got home, got something to drink, and hung out in my room until sleep and then slept in nice and late saturday. However, the place really needed to be cleaned, and go figure, Kat's friends were doing it.

I'm a very self-conscious person on company doing cleaning. I couldn't kick Mecca out of the kitchen, though I got Gary out of it. However, not kicking Mecca out was a good thing. Standing at 5'6", weighting perhaps 130 pounds, with a soft build, hair cut shorter then a boy's and eyes of a soft hazel, a look within them that sees more then it lets on, full breasts that press against the fabric of her shirt, jeans that hug over the soft rise of hips and accenuate her legs.

I spent nearly an hour doing dishes, and when they were all done, I scoured for more to do. We talked, a fair bit. Did I know I was flirting? Yes, I did. Did I expect anything from it? No, no I did not. Kat had warned me from Mecca already, telling me she was sensitive and very easily offended, to watch myself around her so that I didn't offend her and ruin the weekend by making one of Kat's friends feel bad.

Well, after dishes, the logical step of a single man who hasn't been in the game for sometime, is to try and display an interest in something. For me, that is my weapons collection. One thing led to another, there was mutual flirting, and then she saw some of my poetry. Insert conversation here.

We spoke for sometime, interupted by Kyle, who seemed to more be there to make sure Mecca was ok then anything else. It was (for me) an amusing prospect. Mecca said later that she never even saw it. Yet it was her who leaned back into me to relax and in that body language, told Kyle that it was ok.

I think she sees more then she admits to, always thinking, with a look of thought upon her face.

However, my antisocial behaviour, though successful in avoiding others, put Mecca firmly in my arms for some time. I was not displeased.

In the end, I believe it is possible to cultivate and nurture what she and I have, and allow it to grow into something more, something substantial. She has the potential to be my Muse. And unlike so many Muses of the past, she is not fictional, not viewed through a computer screen with lies and deceit.

I believe with her, if I nurture what we have carfully, could be the Muse that allows me to once again write without a Block or concern for perfection.

A Muse of Mystery, and within Mystery, my own perfection.

May the Gods light Shine on you.

Zodiak, Out.