Yin And Yang

Balance. Everything in life has to balance itself. It is the state of the universe, the key to survival. Good balances Bad, Positive balances Negative.

So I suppose the karmic build up of my life is still trying to find a balance. What is good, bad, equal, where does the balance lie?

I moved out of my father's house in october. This was a good thing. It balanced out by me moving into a bad situation with drug heads, slobs, and a whore seventeen year old fucking a twenty-eight year old.

I was given a ferret from a dear friend, paid for it and all things with it, so that he could get more attention, which he got with me assuredly. I figure V was a karmic bonus for the shit I took when I was younger.

I moved out of the bad situation, into an even better situation, with a friend in an apartment a little more expensive, but much better for me to be in. There was no backlash here except that cleaning doesn't always happen when it should. But it was a great change over and living arrangement for me. I enjoy it here.

Another good point, was meeting Mecca. The best change in my life so far. I suppose that I will have to come back to, because things build up too quickly sometimes. I made a post here on tuesday night, and already I have another long post pending in my mind for my fingers to put out at eighty to one hundred words per minute.

Last night, V -my ferret- wasn't looking so hot. Definitely not in a happy jumpy mood the way he usually is. I didn't think much of it, he's been sick since mid february. I let him out when I could, though kept a close eye on him because of him being sick.

Well, I let him out last night, hoping that it was just cage depression and that letting him out would have him hopping around in his usual manner, dooking and exploring. No such luck. He wandered a few feet, and slumped to his stomch, and thus was his thirty minute excursion into the apartment.

I couldn't figure it out until later on when he looked really bad off and I lifted him a little to see how he was holding up. He was wet (only a minute later did I find out he was wet because he didn't even leave his bedding to take a crap).....and worse, he was missing a tooth. One of his primary canines was snapped off near the base.

I don't know when, how, or why he lost it, but I didn't see it in the cage, and it was before I cleaned the cage since he was still lazed at that point. I knew at that point he was dying. I was going to take him to the vet this weekend to see what could be done for him, or put him down. What else can you do when an animal is obviously suffering?

I woke up this morning to a stiff pet. I loved him, was affectionate to him, and in the end, it amounted to nothing. Life is just so fragile. I broke down at work to boot. I really can't afford the missed time, but bereavement doesn't count for pets. *sighs* I have no idea what to do, or say, or be like. Mecca is worried for me, as is many of my other friends.

I already gave him a send off, and he is now in a better place (so I hope)....

So with now 13 days absent from work, I really wonder if I'll be keeping my job there much longer. I mean, 9 months more to the year, and I know I'll miss more time. I have to try though. No more days this quarter if I want my raise.

Mecca. There is a raise. The girl is utterly amazing. I don't know what I did to deserve her, but she is the first truly right thing to happen in my life in a very long time. Having her in my life kind of makes me think I'm on the right track for a change.

I left roleplay on the internet, I abandoned the online gorean community, I've not delved into it in the local city either. I've abandoned most of the associates I had while online, I literally mean that too; of those on the internet whom I knew/know, only 6 remain on my MSN list. The rest are contacts from real life.

Just seems I'm finally starting to live in the real world. It took ten years, but my girlfriend is not words on a screen, she's not 1s and 0s. She's flesh and blood. We don't need to save up money for a bus or plane ticket to meet in real life, she's a ten minute drive out from me. It is such simplicity.

She makes things so much better for me. I don't know how I got along without her for the past two years. I'm glad I have her now though, it just feels....right.

So VtM should be happening this weekend. Though who is running it, I'm not sure. I can run a campaign myself (simple enough), or Gerry can start his Hunter campaign. Another option is of course Jenn's Chris running something. I should call Gerry at some point today, he may be willing to come over and comfort me.

To Yin and Yang, the balance of the Universe.

A Broken Zodiak, Out.