It Always Hurts.

I'm so fucking pathetic. I just don't understand it, and I never will get it. Why the hell do I always let this happen to me? Why don't I take the initiative and act on suspicions aside from minor queries? In all seriousness, this kind of thing will ruin me in the end, as it has ruined me to this point in my life.
So she left me, moved back in with her parents and took the majority of things from the house. Left a few things for me, things that we bought together, I bought, or that was a gift to us. She left the bed (a good thing, since the buying of it forced me to trash my old bed), she left the couch (a gift from friends of her family), and she left the AC (something I was paying off, but she now tells me not to worry about it). She left the silverware and the plates/bowls, but took all the pots and pans and frying pans. She left the broken toaster oven, but took the cheap $3 garbage can from under the sink.
She took her bird, left my cat. I hope that April (the finch) will be alright. I was the one that had to look after the bird for near to the past month, feeding her when she was days without food, giving her water when the water dish was bone dry.
Half of me looks at all of this from a neutral standpoint, saying, "You knew this would happen, why are you acting so surprised?" Then a part of me says, "I hope she is alright and finds happiness in her future." And as that part of me is what I openly let others see, a corner of my soul screams out for her to rot in the deepest, darkest pits of hell and never emerge.
Which one I actually feel, I don't know. It hurt that she left me, but I knew it would hurt, and I knew that it would happen. So why am I still so hung up on it? Probably because you can't be with someone for more then a month without some kind of emotion hanging in the balance, saying "why?"
Its not me, its her. I'm telling you, with that kind of cliche hanging over my head, I'm surprised I haven't tried to kill myself. I mean, what the fuck, right?
Hell I don't even know what I'm saying. I guess right now, I'll just pick up the pieces, pull myself together, and work things out one at a time, as they come to me. I have bills to pay, stuff to work out, and too much going on right now to let one small break up with a girl who was hand delivered to me bring me down this low.
Don't cry because it ended, smile because it happened. Its better to have loved and lost. Easy come, easy go.
Whatever cliche quotes I want to use, whatever shit I want to spew, it won't matter in the heart of it all, when I say, in all honesty, I loved her more then anything, but when she told me she was moving out, it wasn't pain, fear, or hurt, that I felt. It was a soft numbness that seemed to say, "On to the next chapter, Chris. This one is over."
So on to the next chapter, I hope it holds more surprises to the plot then this last.
Peace.