The Amusement of the Past

You know, someone was reading my blog tonight, from the beginning. I couldn't help but think, perhaps I should do the same. After all, there is nothing better then to look back where you've been in order to find where you may be going.

I couldn't help but notice, that the last post before november was my issues with my brother Gerry (by the way, for those reading...he actually appologized profusely for that some time ago and we are fine again).

However, the post before that....I can't help but quote it as I laughed when I read it...

"She is the best thing to ever happen to me, in a very long time, and her being the one is not merely a slight possibility, it is a near certainty (though it is also possible I will look back on this in a couple months and think "you fucking moron!" -yes, I understand I can be gullible and naive in love, is it that scary?-)."

You know, reading that, I won't say I was a fucking moron for that. She was hardly the best thing to happen to me, though obviously, with how much she used me as a crutch to get on her social feet, I was the best thing to happen to her.

So I'm moving forward with my life, and realizing, as things move on, I'm still an Ambivert, a High Malk, and a Gorean. I will always live by Honor, Pride, and Strength. Its in my heart and soul, and why deny a decade of my life?

I can't help but think though, no matter what happens, I am making progress. A year ago right now, I was alone. I was running more then two years single. I was living in a horrible situation, and I was living with people in order to make ends meet.

I may not have a family anymore, and I may have few friends, but I have more then I had a year ago. I may not be celebrating Christmas again this year, but at least it will not be a day of misery. I'm independent. I'm strong. I'm living my life however I want it to go.

Where my past has been spurts and bursts of sheer fluke and chance for a relationship, where I've let things come to me for fear of my depression interfering and shattering my resolve, the scars on my arm aren't even fully healed from my break up with Mecca, and I've already pushed her far enough away from my remote possibility of caring, that I'm a normal functioning adult.

Moreso, I'm a normal functioning adult with a date tomorrow night with an attractive, smart, witty, and very compatible, girl. I mean hell, to me, even if it doesn't work out (which I think, at least for awhile, it will), shows me that I am evolved. From a year, to three years, to less then one month.

I think that is all the sign I need that my life is going in the right direction. Which further tells me, my personality shift, my reverting to what I once was with what I had become, has been an improvement that will lead me to a future that is not near so shattered as my past has been.

As a young man, I was a player, one who bounced from woman to woman in the shadows, and didn't care of the consequences. As a man, I was monogamous, however it also led me to long stretches of time without a relationship to be in. I suppose this shift of the two, has led me to a player's resolve to finding someone new, with the Monogamous mindset to merely have it at one.

I've never in my life cheated on a woman. I've had open relationships, I've had polygamous relationships, I've had monogamous relationships. I've always stayed in the standings of the given relationship. I will never cheat....The last three women I was with cheated, and honestly, I see no reason behind it, nor purpose.

In any event. Time to go do the cat's litter. I've procrastinated enough.

So, have a good evening, enjoy your weekend, and envy the man who is seeing Sweeny Todd tomorrow!

Zodiak out!!