Happy New Year.

Another year, another day, another page. As life goes by, days turn to weeks, to months, and thus comes a point when every being on the planet, accepts the birth of a new year. A new cycle to what we are, where we are, and what we are doing. It’s a strange and wondrous feeling, to know that you have been here for another cycle, another rotation around the sun.

Its something only we, as humans, can truly appreciate. Something we can sit back and honestly contemplate as a truth. A way of life. What comes in the next twelve months? What will walk forward for us in the future? What, pray tell, does the new year hold for me?

As I question this, and as I consider the ramifications of my past actions, as I look back at what I have garnered this year, what has come to pass,what has flown by me. I can only look, and think…I have learned.

I’ve discovered in my heart the absence of love, even in the face of being handed that which I should love. I have discovered again the pain of betrayal. I have learned that sometimes, to achieve a victory, you must surrender. I have learned that friendship can be a powerful thing, even if on a casual level.

I have learned so much, and have allowed my mistakes to trail me, trace me, and outline my soul in ash once again. I’ve felt what I thought may have been love, I have lain once again in the arms of a woman whom claimed to love me. What is true, and what is false, I know not. All I can attest to is my inner emotions, a raging storm that seems something I’ll never truly conquer.

I’m over her. The pain she inflicted upon me is no longer on the surface, merely deep within my soul, a scar as the many which I already hold to me. It will heal in time, or it will fester as others have. It matters not really. When I think of her, I think of the song, “lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off” by Panic! At the disco. It fits the relationship to such utter perfection, I listen to the song and smirk, knowing that no matter how it hurts, burns, or scars, I’ll always be better then her.

So I look forward, to what love may wait, what love I may have thrown away, and if I should merely use others for my own ends until I am healed enough for something more healthy then the darkness that I know lays within me. Only time can tell what will happen there.

I suppose what it comes down to, then, is that I will live. I will come out of this swinging. I will not merely stand idlely by as the world happens around me. That has been my downfall for years, that has been what caused me to fuck up with meeting Mecca, but it is also what had me meet Mecca, and has as such, shown me I am NOT beneath other women. I am NOT a hideous wretch with nothing to offer.

This past year, as evenly matched as it has been, has shown me a new side, and as Mecca drinks herself into whoring at Heather’s tonight, I sit at home, knowing I could have the same if I wanted. Knowing that once a cheater, always a cheater. With that in mind, I can smirk as I think of her finding happiness, and know that she will never, in her life, find happiness, because the moment she picks up a drink, the nearest thing with an attraction to her, is fair game.

I almost feel like writing poetry, but it isn’t inside me tonight, sadly enough. However, there is much else within me. A calmness which I will savour.

My resolution. In the new year, I swear to not let life pass me by. I swear I will move forward, and find what is right for me. I swear I will do my damndest to give myself what I deserve, with who I deserve. I will find, in the future, near or far, within the next 12 months, someone else to be with. Be it short or long term, I don’t care. I want someone to be with me, and in so doing, someone I can look at and say, “I am not alone.”

That is my resolution. To not be single for the whole year. I imagine that will be more easily remedied when I renew my health card and get my age of majority card shortly after my birthday. After all, what better way to meet women, then hitting up the bars now and then. Though the munches at ’55 Special on the first Thursday of every month is what interests me more then anything at the moment.

Suppose I will see what comes to pass.

To the future, may it hold the oppurtunity for the lessons of the past.

Happy new year, my readers.

Zodiak, Out.

PS

Princess, grow up. You, nor her, are worth my time. Please, put your comments elsewhere, as they'll simply be deleted here.