So we all make mistakes, and those of us whom are responsible tend to own up to those mistakes and ask for forgiveness, or learn from them and move on. Guess Mecca never learned that lesson when growing up. It just seems to make those last days all the more cheap and pathetic.
So she finally told me why she broke up with me. It wasn’t me, it wasn’t that she wanted something else in her life; it wasn’t even something to do with the relationship. No, it was because, while drunk, she cheated on me. She was at Heather’s for the night, refusing to come home to her loving boyfriend and Master, and instead stayed there made out with some random guy.
When she came home the next day, did she tell me and ask for forgiveness? Tell me she was sorry, that she was drunk and didn’t know everything that was happening? No. No, she decided to hide it, and decided then, that she no longer wanted to be with me; that the past eight months weren’t worth a moment of honesty.
She avoided me, sidestepped me, and then spent our last day together, the Saturday, trying to make up for all of it, trying to give a great last day; by using me for break up sex when I didn’t know the impending doom, by treating me like a prisoner getting his last meal. It was such a set up for an execution that it isn’t even remotely funny.
Worse, is that through it all, the only reason she finally came clean, the only reason she decided to tell me, and confide in me the true reason for the break up, was because I said if I knew, it would give me closure. Yeah, it gave me great closure alright, I couldn’t even feel anything after she said it, typed it rather. I ended up doing something royally stupid, and spent the night where I hate to spend any time. I’ll have to live with that mistake of course, and move past what was the old me, and towards a newer me that has more control.
I can’t stand to make stupid mistakes without learning from them, and last night definitely taught me a lot, such as scissors, no matter the quality, suck for slicing flesh. Though today, I have also learned, that cling wrap over a bandage before the tape, can save your skin and arm hair from the agony of ripping the adhesive off.
Am I over her? Probably not completely, but it isn’t going to stop me from going to work on Monday and asking some of my co-workers who they know that is single. Getting back on the horse, and actually being on said horse, is probably the best way for me to get past this. I just need something else to concentrate on, without something more to put my mind to, I’ll merely end up overanalyzing the past.
It seems the more I analyze it, the more I wonder if I’m still willing to forgive her, even after all of this, though I think the anger, rage, and hurt, should be able to spring up long enough and often enough to stop me from doing something so foolish.
Until next time,
Zodiak, Out.
Life is a Journey of Steps and sunsets
Just like love is a slow way of dying
All you knew in life you can carry to death
Just like smiling is a slow way of crying.
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