Did you Hear it...?

The sound of me falling back into my own Niche?

Probably not, because there wasn't actually a physical sound, merely the mental click of my mind settling once more where it belonged. Not sure why I lost my mind to begin with... Pfft, who am I kidding? I lost my mind over a pretty face and great oppurtunity.

The oppurtunity hasn't disappeared. So don't mistake this for some harping post about love lost or some shit. No, far from it. Jocelyn is of course still in my life. However, after my mind fell back into its niche, we had a conversation.

Short and sweet, however the summary, is friends at the moment, and the future is...well, the future. So I will let it go at that, leave things as they are, and stop concerning myself so damned much with the intricacies.

I mean hell, I know who I am, and though I had settled back into a time of relaxation without the control I used to always strive for, jocelyn popping into my life stirred things up. Was fun, if nothing else.... Fun? Who am I kidding. Was stressful and a pain in my proverbial ass to get my head back on straight.

With that said though, least I've relaxed enough to let things flow more smoothly. Much more smoothly. More so, I've also settled into a more regular state of mind, not as bright and chipper as it has been, not as dark and destructive as I would like it to be - understand of course, that dark and destructive offers depression to be channelled into creativity... I have a lot of writing to catch up on - however it is darker than it has been.

I miss that, the cynicism. I mean hell, I'm a realist, though the cynical attitude, just fits naturally.

With that said, I know I'm not an Emo, and I know three days grace isn't an emo band (more post grunge)... But their one song, though sounding emo, has some rather striking meaning... the chorus being, "Pain, without love. Pain, Just can't get enough. Pain, you know I like it rough. Because I rather feel pain, then nothing at all."

Its not emo, as much as it sounds like it... I mean hell, consider how many other artists/bands have said similar. Nine Inch Nails, one of the most heavy rock bands going, even has a song that -opens- with, "I hurt myself today, to see if I still feel, I focus on the pain, the only thing that's real."

Yet strangely, its that kind of lyric, kind of thought, which strikes a chord in my mind and soul. Something which tweaks at creative energies. Seems so hopeless, so lost, so endless. I'm hardly that bad off anymore, but hell, the memories, again, creative energy.

In any event... In other news, I have nothing major going on this weekend. Lack of money sucks hardcore. Though next weekend I'm playing wingman to a friend at some plentyoffish gathering. Bowling I suppose. I think it might be fun, if nothing else, will get to meet some new people, and not have to worry so bloody much bout doing it with typing out a first impression.

Ah well, with that, my readers, I leave you to a good night.

Peace out,

The Zodiak.