A Perfect Catch...For the most part.

The ball bounced... Much more quickly then I had expected.

And the reaction to my last post... Wow. Not much more of a reaction can I give than that.

I'm amused, more than anything. I suppose, reading my journal, and going far enough back, I see where they come from with their comments, and jibes. Back when I didn't make it a point to write in the journal when I could, but only used it to vent.

So, consider my recent posts. Unsure, uncertain, hesitating and cautious. Seem accurate to you? It sounds accurate to me. Because I have been unsure. Its been well over four years since I've left the Gorean community online, and to encounter someone who shares that lifestyle, requires a revamp of the mind. I've been rather vanilla in the past few years... So to slide back into my nature, from what I've forced upon myself... Takes a little bit of work.

I've been standing on a plateau, a shelf, something forced and conformed to because of what society deems to be the norm. Its not me, never has been, and now that I have an oppurtunity to break from that shell and settle back into my nature, it is taking a little conditioning personally to break myself of habits I've forced upon myself.

Control... Mmm... Such a broad term. Control over one's self, their life, other people, the world around them, over simple things, complex things.... I've exhibited control my whole life. Over myself, over many of those whom have been involved in my life. I have a track record in my life covered with examples.

I'm not sure if I burned out, if I got bored with it, or if I simply realized that in order to control, you have to let go.... I have control over myself. One night of lapse hardly constitutes a loss of control... I've corrected that little lapse, in a very harsh manner.

I control what needs to be controlled. What I wish to place under my hand. Otherwise, I let it flow by me. I'm a laid back Man. Very much so. Why have I not exerted control in my current situation? Simple. My current situation is foreign. Will I exert control? Yes, when I feel the need to push it.

Admittedly, after last night, my nature has surfaced, peeling away the conforming bullshit which has gripped me for far too long. I won't deny having had to work at keeping myself in control last night. However, it came much more naturally then it had the night previous.

So, to my friends, my readers, to those whom randomly come here from their parent's basement while listening to bad rap and think they are gangster... Don't underestimate the gentler side of a Man. As soft as silk is, when laced over Iron, it will still shatter bones. I leave you with this then... Something burning in my mind... And as always, you get the treat of that Poetry (too many people telling me that my writing is good, is giving me an ego).

Darkness abides
like the tides on the shore
the sunlight hides
what is now no more
think of the world
as it surrounds us, enfolds
the light with the shadow
two and one, tales untold
you can't see the light
without a shadow right there
nor can shadow exist
without light's tender care
strength and power
weakness and pain
all stuck together
in night's gentle rain
nature beneath a canopy
unseen by sunlight, just shade
a forest of conformity
clearcut now to fade
lies hath hidden
what truth hold dear
lies and truth as one
never more clear
the fog folds back
revealing cities forgot
my mind more clear
I know what I've taught
look in the shadows
it exists due to light
yin and yang opposites
what is wrong is now right


Peace out,

The Zodiak.

P.S.

If you feel a comment script on my blog is not enough space, or you think your opinion should be more outspoken then a few sentences of advice. My email is on the side bar where the profile is listed. Feel free to send an e-mail if you want to have more of a hand in what I do. Cheers.