Sleep Deprivation

So I have learned through trial and error - mostly error - that no matter how much caffeine you drive into your system (even to the point of eye twitches and blood shot eyes), no sleep for 24 + hours due to gaming, and then going into work for extra hours, is a bad idea.

On a brighter note, due to such a schedule, I'm level 21 on a brand new toon that was just started yesterday. Never played a hunter before, and I must say, they are grossly over-powered in their design for solo'ing. Can only imagine what is going to happen when I hit 70 and abuse the toon for farming...

My goal is to hit 70 before the expansion on the 13th of november. Which of course will involve an indepth withdrawal from reality to get the job done. Wouldn't be the first time I've done such a thing, after all, I did similar for my birthday vacation at the start of the year with my mage. Though it wasn't quite as... -addictive- ... as this particular play time has been.

By rights, I'll be 30-35 by the end of the weekend, if my play winds up near as successful as it has to par, which I see no reason why it shouldn't (despite playing a faction I haven't played since the game was released)....

In other news... Well, nothing really. I've not had anything of significance going on, nothing major to report, Jocelyn hasn't spoken to me since I told her I had no sympathy for her friends demise (not that I particularly have an issue with that... Seems I am very detached to life as of late). No real love interests, and the more I consider those whom -may- be such, the more I consider that I don't know what I want right now, and that I don't think I particularly want anything.

I actually prefer to be single right now.... And it has nothing to do with my over-gaming. I mean hell, I quit WoW back in august, and just got back into it yesterday. That's more then two months without A WoW "fix".... which I think proves beyond a reasonable doubt that I'm not addicted to it, its just a hobby.

I just don't really want anything right now... Everytime I think about it, I think of the commitment, which I don't mind, the prospect of settling down, which I don't mind, and then I consider if I want it right now. The truth is, I don't. Even as much as I complain about not getting sex... I don't really -want- sex. I haven't for some time.

I just want a muse. Which sadly, does not seem a likely outcome. I've tried writing, but every time I start, I think of how much work I lost, get depressed about it, and stop. Which seems rather pathetic, and is definitely anti-productive... But sadly, unavoidable.

So I've now officially been awake for 24 hours. I have six more hours of work to get through, and I am slowly going crazy..... I even bought a Jolt at lunch, cuz you know, the four RockStar Roasted, the 2 L of coke mixed with a shot of espresso per glass, and the caffeine mint I've had in the last 20 hours aren't -enough- to give me a heart murmur, I just gotta go that extra push.

The only other thing I can think of, really, is that I was at one point intending to go to a halloween party next saturday, this despite plans to level in WoW... Sadly, finances don't jibe right for it, and at the same time, I remembered, I still haven't renewed my healthcard. Which means I can't get into a bar if I got carded at the door. So much for that idea... Was going to go as The Crow too. Not very original for me, but screw you too... LOL

You know though, to jump back a paragraph or so... You know you're tired when -chewing- becomes an effort.... I've also made a discovery... My mental state when over tired (on the third or fourth wind, such as now), is almost identical to my mental state when buzzed/drunk on whiskey.

So yeah... my eyes are blood shot, my pulse is semi - racing, and I have absolutely no energy (no idea how I'm even answering these calls that come through)... And I'm here for far too much longer....

Stay safe all...

Peace out,

The Zodiak.

I drive really slow in the ultra fast lane, while people behind me are going insane... I'm an Asshole

I'm a prick.

Wow, there's the easiest statement I've ever posted. Probably one of the more truthful ones too. But hell, its part of me and not soemthing likely to change.

On a brighter note, I've begun silent meditation in order to wipe out my Superiority Complex. Which is something I've had intention to do for some time. Not so much because I have the Complex, but more because I know I have it, and know rather intimately that those around me are not inferior to me at all.

Yet despite that, I still behave superior.... Its a defensive mechanism from my younger years. If you act cocky and superior, people either believe it and leave you alone, or they think you are full of yourself and underestimate you substantially. Both of those outcomes suited me rather well in those days.

Now however, I merely find it troublesome. Hard to make a friend, let alone keep one, when you act like they are dirt. Well, that may be a lil extreme. After all, I'm hardly a degrading man. However the gist of it remains the same.... A pain in my ass over all.

But the opening statement.... I am a prick. Why? Because I have no sympathy for human stupidity, and even when I bite my tongue, I seem to find other ways to put my angst out there. Which is kind of ironic, because I don't see myself as spiteful. Perhaps a touch malicious or vindictive... However still, my behavior at times goes above and beyond these kinds of things and makes me wonder why I am as cold as I am.

Sympathy... I have little sympathy for human stupidity. You'd think I'd be able to fake it a little though. There's a difference between honesty, and brutality. One shows tact, the other tends to just drop a ton of bricks on the emotions of the poor sap on the other end.

I seem to do both without much regard for whether I'm showing tact or not. Why? Not entirely sure. I know tonight I didn't bother with tact and ended up saying something that could be summed up as, "Your friend only got what her actions granted her." as opposed to, "I'm sorry for your loss, it is horribly tragic." Kind of a difference in approach, huh?

Its rather cruel of me... But sadly, a joy ride in a stolen truck, has everyone involved knowing what they are getting into when they do it, and the whole, "it could never happen to me" philosophy of life is a crock of shit... Take responsibility for your actions, and reap the consequences... Be it a bad hang over, a bun in the oven, or the final price... (death, for those not paying attention).

Which of course leads to my second set of non-sympathetic behavior. Though at least I did the right thing in that situation and kept my mouth shut to offer support. Which I did of course genuinely mean, even if mentally I was utterly amused that she and I decided to simply be friends, and then that happened... I can't even have kids, and as such, fooling around with me, would at least be safe (and likely more satisfying)... However, we reap the consequences of our actions.

So I've been writing again. I have a song stuck in my head, and have been building a story around it. Not sure how I'll manage all the fine details of it though... The main character will be female... Trained by some form of immortal who is her father or the like, and as he vanishes into ethereal worlds, she has to earn the title he has left her... Trials, hardships, etc etc... Has a bit of a trick ending which will likely be obvious to my readers by the middle of the book.

I dunno, still working it out, and been trying to remember the chapters and works of all the other semi-started and half-finished works I had so much of before my computer crashed.

C'est le vie... Been playing Warhammer Online: Age of Reckoning a fair bit too. Fun game.... Much like WoW, only they did a lot of things that made it superior in some ways. Once they open up cross server PvP, it will be irresistable. In the meantime, its a pain in the ass to level up....

In any event, those are the events to par... I got a touch of an attraction to someone, but will let that one mull over a low simmer till I know if I'm merely being foolish (as I often am), or if there's soemthing there.... There's something else, however until I am straight (HAHAHA!!!) with my mind on that, I'll keep it to myself.

Peace out,

The Zodiak.