I'm a prick.
Wow, there's the easiest statement I've ever posted. Probably one of the more truthful ones too. But hell, its part of me and not soemthing likely to change.
On a brighter note, I've begun silent meditation in order to wipe out my Superiority Complex. Which is something I've had intention to do for some time. Not so much because I have the Complex, but more because I know I have it, and know rather intimately that those around me are not inferior to me at all.
Yet despite that, I still behave superior.... Its a defensive mechanism from my younger years. If you act cocky and superior, people either believe it and leave you alone, or they think you are full of yourself and underestimate you substantially. Both of those outcomes suited me rather well in those days.
Now however, I merely find it troublesome. Hard to make a friend, let alone keep one, when you act like they are dirt. Well, that may be a lil extreme. After all, I'm hardly a degrading man. However the gist of it remains the same.... A pain in my ass over all.
But the opening statement.... I am a prick. Why? Because I have no sympathy for human stupidity, and even when I bite my tongue, I seem to find other ways to put my angst out there. Which is kind of ironic, because I don't see myself as spiteful. Perhaps a touch malicious or vindictive... However still, my behavior at times goes above and beyond these kinds of things and makes me wonder why I am as cold as I am.
Sympathy... I have little sympathy for human stupidity. You'd think I'd be able to fake it a little though. There's a difference between honesty, and brutality. One shows tact, the other tends to just drop a ton of bricks on the emotions of the poor sap on the other end.
I seem to do both without much regard for whether I'm showing tact or not. Why? Not entirely sure. I know tonight I didn't bother with tact and ended up saying something that could be summed up as, "Your friend only got what her actions granted her." as opposed to, "I'm sorry for your loss, it is horribly tragic." Kind of a difference in approach, huh?
Its rather cruel of me... But sadly, a joy ride in a stolen truck, has everyone involved knowing what they are getting into when they do it, and the whole, "it could never happen to me" philosophy of life is a crock of shit... Take responsibility for your actions, and reap the consequences... Be it a bad hang over, a bun in the oven, or the final price... (death, for those not paying attention).
Which of course leads to my second set of non-sympathetic behavior. Though at least I did the right thing in that situation and kept my mouth shut to offer support. Which I did of course genuinely mean, even if mentally I was utterly amused that she and I decided to simply be friends, and then that happened... I can't even have kids, and as such, fooling around with me, would at least be safe (and likely more satisfying)... However, we reap the consequences of our actions.
So I've been writing again. I have a song stuck in my head, and have been building a story around it. Not sure how I'll manage all the fine details of it though... The main character will be female... Trained by some form of immortal who is her father or the like, and as he vanishes into ethereal worlds, she has to earn the title he has left her... Trials, hardships, etc etc... Has a bit of a trick ending which will likely be obvious to my readers by the middle of the book.
I dunno, still working it out, and been trying to remember the chapters and works of all the other semi-started and half-finished works I had so much of before my computer crashed.
C'est le vie... Been playing Warhammer Online: Age of Reckoning a fair bit too. Fun game.... Much like WoW, only they did a lot of things that made it superior in some ways. Once they open up cross server PvP, it will be irresistable. In the meantime, its a pain in the ass to level up....
In any event, those are the events to par... I got a touch of an attraction to someone, but will let that one mull over a low simmer till I know if I'm merely being foolish (as I often am), or if there's soemthing there.... There's something else, however until I am straight (HAHAHA!!!) with my mind on that, I'll keep it to myself.
Peace out,
The Zodiak.
2 comments:
It's been awhile since I've said anything and though the "soul nate" conversation held great intrigue with me my point was made by all parties so silence was the best course of action.
However in the case of this.
It is said that all life is precious. This being true in my opinion I believe no one is beyond redemption.
Though human stupidity may be the primary cause of the error an error is still an error. All these things should be looked past. This doesn't require sympathy.
No no not at all
One can have no sympathy though still respect the loss of life. I have no sympathy for human stupidity find it endlessly amusing. Yet still respect the lost life and mourn.
simply put you were cruel towards my loss which at the moment was very hard to deal with. Your ignorance cuased me to realise that I could never handle how heartless you are. Thank you for the good conversation there was never lack of that.
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