Isn't it Ironic, Dontcha think?

So I just woke up. A strange thing for me... I went to take a shower before going to the store for something to put on pasta for food. Next thing I know, its more then two hours later and I'm still not really rested.

I've been getting flashes of how I can open Velrik's story. Though I still don't have a lot to go on for motivation, which is, sadly, a situation that is all too much me.

I think it ironic, and vaguely amusing, that I misinterpret so much of what I read in Sarah's journal. That I have the horrible affinity to take the statements made, and allow my mind to twist them into something more negative, something more devious almost.

Now in truth, this may not be as ironic, had it not been said on various occasions, that I understand her so well.

I won't deny that. I do understand her, always have. My interpretations, my own miscommunications in the reading of her works, is entirely faulted to a twisted sense of self-inflicted doom.

Does that even make sense? Probably not.

I got a call from my father today. Something I expected weeks ago. We spoke for about twenty minutes, talked of the past, of the present, of this and that. Discussed his pain and issues (he's just now off the medication), and about my own recent back pain and the severity of it that it has caused me to miss time at work.

When I walk up behind Sarah, I do my best not to read over her shoulder, not to easedrop on her conversations with other people. Its as much a respect thing, as simply not wanting to intrude or be nosey or seem paranoid.

Sadly, my eyes do, at times, wander. She doesn't seem to mind, but as I had said, I try not to, as it can be seen as prying where I'm not necessarily welcome. Not everyone is like me, with nothing to hide, and not really worried what gets out.

I couldn't help but have wandering eyes, to glance over lightly her conversation with Andrew tonight, that she didn't want to give him false hope, and didn't want him to wait for something that may never happen. Its not the first time she's had such a conversation with him, I'm sure. I have even heard her speak of such conversations before.

I can't really say, knowing Sarah, that it bugs me. However I can't deny that a small part of me thinks, every time I see, or hear of, her telling him, "I don't want to give you false hope that there may be an 'Us'." That not saying, "There is no us, and I'm with someone now. You shouldn't wait because I am happy where I am, and love the person I am with." Is giving false hope. Is saying something may happen when you tell them it may or may not.

This of course is my own personal view, from someone who has seen friends led on by similar words, hanging on the edge of their seat and hoping that the "may" will someday come for them.

I can't say it bugs me, or irritates me, but I can say that it does perplex me at times if I let myself dwell.

Ah well, going to the store now for food stuffs.

Peace,

The Zodiak.