Cry Havoc, and let loose the dogs of war

Cry “havoc!” and let loose the dogs of war,
That this foul deed shall smell above the earth
With carrion men, groaning for burial.

A line I've been thinking of a fair bit lately, as I find myself in Gor once more, with a name of madness and creation once more attached to an avatar of creativity within a world of Dominance and Death.

I stare at the screen, and feel sides of me flowing, twitching, awakening, which had been slumbering for so long, I felt they never would rise again. What keeps me there, is as I always suspected it would be, a person, touching, caressing, teasing the ego and molding the muse to put forth an effort to divinity.

One cannot comfort the raging beast within me, and even keeping it leashed and chained is a challenge of control and willpower. This of course leaves nothing to dark sins of the past and likely darker of the future.

What it does leave, is passing up moments of fate, pure random happenstance in such an utter perfection as to leave the mind bereft of doubt that higher powers exist. Had I done one thing different that day, merely a shift, one thing done normally that I avoided that one day... I'd never have seen fates plan. Despite that, I still denied their wisdom and slipped into obscurity.

Faces of the past whisper to me, caressing my ear with seductions of the future. I hear them, as I watch them fold into my present with more than whispers. I see them as they are, as they were, and as I am sure they will be. The timing is too convenient, too perfect. How could the timing of everything not have it's own plan within it?

I watch my msn list grow, diving as these voices merge into my world that is now coming to pass. I can't say for sure where it will lead, however wherever it does lead to, old friends and new acquaintances, new names and a breath of life into a dying ember.

My creativity is blooming. My darkness is finding providence within the world of roleplay. It has been years since I have touched upon it, and within such a short period, as my feet rest on solid ground, I found my muse, that which keeps me tethered to the world that flows in my blood. I cannot speak for the more private musings of my mind, my novels that sit near forgotten, however they may yet get attention as I move forward.

I have choices to make. Decisions coming into my life that were not there a year ago, or infact, not even a month ago. Going back to school to become a Teacher. Not something I would see, but molding minds has always been a passion, to teach one to see the right of the world, how they can learn in many ways. Those who hear of this intention think it an ideal thing for me, though caution my darkness may lead to problems within it.

I still seek out a new manner to handle other things, each step and moment in life is a careful motion, testing the ground before putting weight upon the surface... I don't know how it will end up until my full weight is on it.

So I say this.... Cryptic as I have been.... I am pleased with where I am... And hope to be a little more in my... Normal... Mindset at another time to write something a little more literal.

Farewell,

Chris.