On the Verge of Collapse

As Life brinks on the precipice of disaster
I look to the future and watch it come faster
The daze of colors and the haze of lights
the hopeless days and the endless nights
I can't think of the end as I don't know the start
and I know that I'm speaking from mind and now heart
not everything rhymes as perfection isn't real
but I know with my actions my fate did I seal
I don't know where I'm going but I know where I've been
I know the life I've led and I know all of my sin
I know the love I feel and I know the apathy
I understand the truth of madness and plausible sanity
I can see the world turning on it's axis of the world
The rose now in the winter months no longer unfurled
The depth for which I feel cannot be measured in a breath
the thoughts of ending it all plague me with the touch of death
I can't see the haze of colors that now plague my mind
I can't see the daze of worlds that are one of a kind
Failure after success after failure once again
I can never unleash my feelings without paper and pen
I don't know why I hide from it, as though it may now lie
The truth of how I feel for you makes me feel alive
friends and family and acquaintances I have known
people in my present, past, and future have since flown
to heavens or to hells or the depths of paradise
I look to the what I am, full of merit full of vice
I don't know what I've done here nor where I'm going to
But I know wherever I end up... I want to be with you.


This is in my mind as I sit here, preparing for a day of much running around, with, and without, hope. I don't know what I'm doing right now, but I know I need to make a choice, make an effort, and make things work. No matter what ends up happening, the one thing keeping me tethered here are thoughts of Maggie. I've never felt so strongly for someone, nor felt something so assured... I owe much to her in keeping me anchored, just as I owe much to Kalli as of late for giving me someone to speak to, even for random conversation, and giving me something to do to keep my mind from sinking into depths from which they may not return.

I know what I'm doing right now, though I don't know what the results will be. The only thing I can say, is dovienya sa tovya sagain..... Time to roll the dice... The wheel of time turns, and ages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend, and legend fades into myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the age that gave it birth comes again.... There are neither beginnings nor endings to the turning of the wheel of time... However, this is -A- beginning.

Peace,

Chris.