Cruelty Without Cause

I know, one should not inflict suffering upon others without a true cause to back it up. Without a reason for the suffering.

I'm not one. I'm me. Anyone who knows me, knows that I pride myself in being an asshole, and more so, pride myself in my ability to alienate people when they no longer suit my need or purposes.

This of course doesn't necessarily mean that what I do is done because I don't want people around, nor even that they deserve it, but I like to see how many buttons I can push before someone walks away. When someone is merely an option, why not test the levels of that option?

I remember something about not letting someone be a priority in your life if you are only an option in theirs. But what do you do when everyone is an option in your life? With very few exceptions anyways... Chandra is obviously a priority.

But the puppet is an option, was an option, is? was? Whatever.... I guess I'll know if she comes crawling back for more. I was far from kind to her today. I was actually surprised she even showed up today, wanting to play. I was more shocked when she didn't say she never wanted to see me again after the play. Though of course calling someone immature, stupid, narcissistic, and worthless, can have varying degrees of affect on a person.

Personally, it was satisfying to me, to do the reality bitch slap. I tend to be good at those. Though she is so lost in her own little world, she likes to deny that anything I said was true.

Cass.... Now there's something that confuses me as much as it intrigues me. She's submissive, but likes to be in control of her environment and take advantage of those weaker... Such a thing is what brands a "Switch" in the lifestyle. People who are weak themselves, but like to torment the weaker. It doesn't make them dominant, just makes them strong willed.

I know there can be argument for it on either side, and though I am open to learning and being corrected in many things, my opinion of the Switch in the BDSM lifestyle, is something I am closed on. I have my views, and they've yet to be proven wrong to me, and I don't care if someone thought it was. Yes, I'm being a bit of a hypocrite... Shut up.

Anyways! Cass... She is an intelligent woman, and a great conversationalist. She makes delicious sounds when tormented, and there are ways I can break her down into small pieces and built her back up, that I just can't do with another. She's so into actually exploring her borders, that she has none right now. Further, she has a true slave's soul. She gleans pleasure from my pleasure, even if my pleasure is gleaned from her misery.

That is something she would probably try to deny, but I've been around the block enough to know what I'm looking at.

She believes I need her, and she believes she needs me. She is hunting for validation within my existence, that she and I may be two halves of a different whole. She knows my standpoint with chandra, she knows my opinion of other play partners, and she accepts all of this.

Sadly, she is wrong on my need for her. I can find someone to beat the ass of almost anywhere in this city. I can find plenty of play partners from extremists to sensation players... I can get anything from simple play to sex and back without near the effort I'd have had to put in even a year ago.

I have no issues with having her around, the play is enjoyable, the conversation unique, and the depth of philosophical and spiritual understanding is sublime. None of this equates to need, merely interest. I may have a void within me, and I may be trying to fill it, but I hardly need anyone to fill it for me, no one -can- fill it for me except one. And she is in the states right now with family.

The house hunt failed. Everything has collapsed on us and around us, so we have a two bedroom we are moving into, the three of us. It will make it cheap, puts dani on the couch, or in Brig's room... We'll winter there and look for a place around february or march. Sadly, it determines my plans for the winter in saving money and preparing for a second move. Which irritates me to no end.

One thing leads to another, and there is always a fall back plan, but sometimes, the fall back plan doesn't work the way you want it to... I'll live though.

Cheers,

Chris.