Life as we know it

Both my favourite and least favourite place to be, is inside my own head.

My head is full of delights, fantasies, creativity, stories, ideas, worlds, people, thoughts, desires, hopes, dreams, love, joy... It is also full of horrors. Sins, darkness, depression, thoughts, fears, hate, sadness, pain, sorrow, loss.

It is the best place to be in the darkness before sleep takes me, where my mind can paint a fantasy world, a whole scenario from which to draw inspiration. One of the reasons I love that my phone has a notepad on it where I can toss in bullet notes to mark the thought process. At least when it is worth noting.

It is also the worst place to be when stress and anxiety are knocking at my door, when the darkness creeps in on the outskirts of where my mind wants to roam, when the thoughts run from the fantastical, to the reality. When I think of my reality, I begin to succumb to the darkness, and I begin to see things that aren't there, or more often, refuse to see things that -are- there (like hope, friends, loved ones, etc).

I can't always control it, and the distractions that keep me from it are as often the cause as they are the savior from it. Such as a comedy show, a video game, etc. These things, though helpful, are just as much a detriment when done alone.

This past week, I've been losing myself inside my own head, which causes issues when life isn't coming up roses. My saving grace, though being a single player video game(s), has been supplemented with the presence of friends. Whether watching someone else play, or playing with them nearby doing other things, the simple presence of someone else while you distract yourself, can often be the key implement which prevents the darkness from doing more than encroaching on your thoughts.

For this, I am thankful to Travis and Kait, as friends, as companions in life, and as people I consider to be part of the select few I care deeply for and trust.

It may be simply hanging out, or perhaps as I see it more often, them just tolerating my existence within their lives, but more often than not, that tolerance is a lifeline for me, and something that keeps me firmly grounded in the here and now, as opposed to the past, the sins, and the loss and sorrow of what is behind me.

As long as people like them, Neal, and alei, are in my life, I'll always have a way to cope, a way to make it through to see the next sunrise, and a way to see past the darkness that fills this world and myself.

This isn't much of an update, I know. Probably because there is very little to update on. Nothing has changed or progressed much from the last entry. I'm waiting for the results of my blood work to come in the mail so I can begin the application process for ODSP (the results are in, positive, if I failed to mention that previously), just waiting to get my copy of them. Nothing special has happened, nothing great or mind blowing.

Diablo 3 has lost its' shine within the first month. Their patches and gameplay having become old and weathered quickly, as well as their limitations to what the classes have at their disposal. Which is to say, of five classes, only two are endgame viable without insane amounts of gear grinding.

So yeah, nothing else happening. Playing Dark Souls in the basement when I can, watching Burn Notice, True Blood and misc. shows when I can't play the games with T&K, and getting rest here and there.

Cheers,

Chris.