Another year

Been awhile since I've written here, it seems. I never even noticed how long... Three years as of the 16th of this month.

In three days I will be 32 years old, my last entry was a year before I turned 29. What did I have going for me in that entry? About the same as I have going for me now. Dated a girl over the summer of 2016, three dates (pokedates?) with the new pokemon go game, and then she stopped playing it and pretty much stopped talking to me. Went on two dates with a girl - from Tinder of all places - in 2015 fall of... Liked her, but she wants kids... And not adopted. She's living in Montreal now and has met someone else. So that went to shit. Was interested in a girl, she seemed interested in me, but she doesn't see me that way. So there goes that. Went on one coffee meet with a girl (not a date, because I didn't move fast enough, so she started dating someone else), we chat on facebook the odd time, but nothing substantial there. A friend? Maybe. Not really, though.

I met Ryan. A friend of Neal's. He's become one of my closest friends over the past year and change. We game together, talk, even hang out every now and then at his place... Which is usually an event/party because getting there requires a ride from Neal.

Had bed bugs, almost lost my home, but managed to stick it out and keep the roof over my head.

I'm still treading water.

There's nothing there for me. Nothing out there. I don't even want a partner anymore. I just want a friend. Someone to talk to late at night when the darkness is creeping around me. Someone to hold in my arms as they fall asleep... Sex has become a running joke... Or rather, my lack of. I've changed my role on fetlife to A-Sexual, because I don't care about sex. It's a pointless act that is more effort than it is worth in the end.

As I go into another year of life, another trip around the sun... I've accepted that I will die alone, save for a few close friends.

My body is failing me. A little at a time, though something noticeable each year as it comes to pass. That scares me. I'm weaker, less able to move, and it's not showing any signs of slowing down.

I'm trying to be healthier. I order groceries from Walmart now... They deliver and it stops my procrastination. Just need to buy milk. I've stopped drinking coffee as of this new year... I take ginseng in the morning to help wake me up. I drink green tea before I go to bed to help me sleep and boost my metabolism. Small things, sure, but still something to help me live a slightly better life.

I should write more... But I lack the urge, or desire, to bother doing such. After three years, who even reads this anymore? Myself... Sometimes.

I've taken to adopting rats. Four in the past three years. Three are deceased, and one is breathing poorly in his cage. He seems healthy enough, but I don't know how much time is left in him. When he passes away, I will adopt two more. Such is my weak attempt at trying to give myself meaning and a reason to keep going. After all, if I have animals to care for, I can't very well abandon them.

That's all I got, really. Will see if more comes to me in time.