I don't have anything to say, despite the time from my last entry to now. Merely a poem I wrote in near desperation, and likely am going to regret posting. Its about someone I happen to like, and someone I've been to cautious about. However, no matter what I decide to do, I need to get the thoughts and words out before they explode.
Shame washes over me
Like hands from the grave
I cannot think nor to see
that I'm not left unscathed
I can't contemplate perfection
the thing I desire most
Yet mistake after mistake I make
it seems a mighty host
I can't always rhyme
and I can't get it all out
I can't always control myself
all I can do is shout
The heavens abandon me
and the hells see me for false
The world I live in lies to me
and I wonder of my heart's pulse
a steady rhythm and beat
and something more then I need
a flaming pit of despair
Where all my veins do bleed
So when offered a solution
something to love within
Why do I turn away
why am I so full of sin?
Why can't I accept it
why can't I just once believe
that a woman who seems to care for me
is not trying to deceive
I've been cornered and abused
destroyed and horribly used
i've been battered beaten and bloodied
and left even more confused
A drama king
a horrid thing
a creature from the dark
A maddenned mind
responds in kind
feeding like a shark
I can't live like this
not forever nor for today
I need to stand up for hope
and I need to have a say
I need to tell her what she means
how I feel for her
and I need to get up and shout it out
before I lose the nerve.
Original,
Christopher Alexander MacLeod
So with that, I leave this post. Stay safe world.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Funny Feeling
The moral high ground. Now there is a weird thing for me. Something I knew existed, but I rarely even look at, let alone know how to get towards it.
Last night, for my new years post, I noticed alot of comments, etc from a less then savory person, my immediate, and usual, reaction, was of course to lambast her on a PS notation on my new years post.
As the minutes turned to hours, I came to realize how pointless it was. I figured I'd wait until she read it, before changing it and deleting everything. Yet, again, as the wee hours of the morning bloomed, I realized it wasn't even worth that.
So yes, those whom read my posting last night, will notice it has changed. As has the several comments that hadbeen left, been removed.
A new me? Hell no. Just not bothering with the insects beneath my feet is all. You, my readers, know well I invite comments, don't mind them, and will generally read them. However, there is a difference between critisism, negative critisism, constructive critisism, and just some child who should be old enough to know better, acting like she's in grade school and tossing out silly little insults like she matters.
The last of that list, I'll simply delete, without even acknowledging they existed. After all, why should I head back down that road, eh?
A new me? Not likely. But I'll save my words for people that matter.
A bright note, new years day, and I'm in a pretty good mood about everything.
My attendence record is wiped clean at work, and that means I'll be applying for a supervisor position come tomorrow. Should be a good year.
Peace out,
The Zodiak.
Last night, for my new years post, I noticed alot of comments, etc from a less then savory person, my immediate, and usual, reaction, was of course to lambast her on a PS notation on my new years post.
As the minutes turned to hours, I came to realize how pointless it was. I figured I'd wait until she read it, before changing it and deleting everything. Yet, again, as the wee hours of the morning bloomed, I realized it wasn't even worth that.
So yes, those whom read my posting last night, will notice it has changed. As has the several comments that hadbeen left, been removed.
A new me? Hell no. Just not bothering with the insects beneath my feet is all. You, my readers, know well I invite comments, don't mind them, and will generally read them. However, there is a difference between critisism, negative critisism, constructive critisism, and just some child who should be old enough to know better, acting like she's in grade school and tossing out silly little insults like she matters.
The last of that list, I'll simply delete, without even acknowledging they existed. After all, why should I head back down that road, eh?
A new me? Not likely. But I'll save my words for people that matter.
A bright note, new years day, and I'm in a pretty good mood about everything.
My attendence record is wiped clean at work, and that means I'll be applying for a supervisor position come tomorrow. Should be a good year.
Peace out,
The Zodiak.
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